The Death of a Dream . . . or not?
All of my life, all I ever wanted to do was write. Actually, it’s pretty much all I did! I had stories to tell, characters I wanted to get to know and share with others, storylines that needed to be explored. And so I wrote – at home, on the bus, while working (yup, I got caught), into the wee hours of the night, early in the morning. I loved the art of writing longhand, even took a calligraphy class which I thoroughly enjoyed. I dreamed of becoming an author, known far and wide for writing amazing novels of love and faith (it was a dream, okay?!). Then life happened. I got married, we had two kids, I got super involved at our church. Still I wrote in secret, never sharing my dream with anyone outside a few select people.
Fast forward to age 50 when God nudged (pushed?) me into pursuing my dream. Along the journey I met wonderful people, made life-long friendships, and learned how to actually write a good novel. And in 2015, I published my first book! I can’t express the joy and shock of holding that first printed book. I did it! WE did it (me, God, and the myriad of people He put on my path).
In the four years that followed, I published a total of 6 full length novels and a handful of short stories. They were years of progress and frustration, excitement and fear, lots of money going out and not so much coming back in. But I continued to love writing, and the friends it gave me, and the sense of camaraderie as we rejoiced and commiserated along the way.
Then 2020 hit. Early that year, before we knew of covid or experienced its repercussions, an unexpected diagnosis changed everything. And I mean everything – my living situation, my dreams, any future plans we’d had. It was as if a huge metal door had slammed shut, leaving me in a dark room with only a tiny window and no way out. Literally everything about my life changed. I was stuck in a new world where I didn’t understand the language, didn’t like the food, and was becoming someone I didn’t like.
The dream was snuffed out.
But God…
Father in heaven, Sometimes we’re lost, searching for a way out of the darkness, the heaviness. We work hard to do our best but when things fall apart, we feel cheated, angry, lost. Life takes sudden turns and we find ourselves in a whole new situation with no clue how to navigate through it. But you are God Almighty. You know us better than we know ourselves. And your Word promises that you have only our best in mind. Teach us to trust you, to look into your Word for those promises and cling to them when we find ourselves tossed about by the difficulties of life. You will guide and lead those who choose to follow you. We want to follow. Thank you for your unending patience and unconditional love. Amen.